Dem Bitches Be Drankin'

As it would turn out, even a project that revolves entirely around drinking is still too difficult for us to get started. Since the inception two months ago of Dem Bitches Be Drankin’ (and yes, that title is still funny to us), said Bitches have been out drankin scarcely enough times to count on one hand! It is very sad indeed, but a situation we intend to remedy. Gone are the days of shirking a night out in favor of Bud Light Power Hours or evenings in drinking Four Lokos and watching the cinematic masterpiece that is The Fast and the Furious. From this point forward, we shall overcome our youthful laziness and general broke-assed-ness! From this point forward, we will step up to our duties as functioning alcoholics! From this point forward, we be droppin’ knowledge bombs on the masses! ONWARD AND UPWARD! 

In addition to flitting about this beautiful town of ours, we will also be introducing a segment called Dat Bartender be Drankin’! Part of the reason we have failed to go out as much is because we have at our disposal our very own drink master; why pay 8 clams for a cocktail when you got someone who’ll make you a better one AND you can drink it in your pajamas? Our house bartender (classy!) will be creating cocktails, both classics and originals, informing us of their histories (because knowing the history of your drink makes you feel smarter and therefore gives you an excuse to drink more of it for “research”), and giving you the recipes so that you can have the same deliciousness at home. Interactive drunk blogging! Somebody call Mark Zuckerberg!

So don’t worry lovers, we’ll get started soon. Our first stop will be Poquito because 1) it is awesome, 2) it is where our beloved house bartender makes drinks for strangers, and 3) there is an adorable boy who lives upstairs and I have a mix tape with his name on it. I never said we were ethical journalists, just drunk ones. 

One fateful evening not long ago (read: last Wednesday) Jordin and Fai were enjoying a couple of late night libations at Amante in North Beach. “Fai,” Jordin said to her tiny counterpart, delicately sipping a finely crafted dirty martini, “I very much enjoy our weekly get togethers here at Amante, but something tells me we should be expanding our horizons.” “I quite agree!” exclaimed Fai, smoothing her skirt and adjusting the feather in her drinking cap. “Perhaps we should start a blog in which we patronize various drinking establishments within our fair City by the Bay and then inform the eager public of our findings. Getting sloshed in the name of friendship is all well and good, but getting sloshed in the name of SERIOUS BLOGGING is what we all aspire to!” Then the two women clinked their cocktail glasses together in a toast of friendship and initiative; it was a toast heard round the world, as its power was later proved to inspire the North Koreans to drop arms, the Palestinians to blow kisses to the Israelis, and Mission Hipsters and Marina Douchenozzles to come together under the common bond of spending their parents’ money. 

This is how we will tell our grandchildren the story of how we decided to start a blog dedicated to enjoying and reviewing as many of San Francisco’s glorious bars as possible; it sounds classy, makes us seem like we had a plan, and makes a pretty solid case for a Nobel Peace Prize nomination. In actuality, while the setting is the same, the idea came during the first round of vodka tonics and was promptly forgotten, only again coming into fruition when we were sufficiently soused four hours later on pink drinks, rum and pineapples, and Fireside Chat Winter Spiced Ale. We debated the benefits of tumblr vs. Wordpress (it was short-lived, as we understand neither), spent 25 minutes taking pictures of ourselves in Photobooth for our profile picture (the reason we look so attractive is because the cocktail we were drinking had a whole jalepeno in it), and then passed out as it was 6 in the morning and there is only so much work we can do in one night. 

And so with that, ladies and gentlemen, we begin…